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    August 17

    无题

       在一种固定的模式下生活久了,思维也变得迟钝了.天天同样的生活很容易让人忘记生活其实可以不这样,我突然很羡慕那些开着一片小店的小贩,开着自己的店,就象钓鱼一样,在一种闲适的状态下等待,悠闲自在。这种快乐决计不是打工者所能体会的,我知道我在努力得到什么的同时,我也正在失去了了什么。也许这是一种规律。
       我突然想去我的大学,我可以奋不顾身的跳进到处充满福尔马林液体的学校医学院的池塘,也可以在咱们主教大操场上痛快淋漓的撒尿,还可以打完三张电话卡后再去买一张。这些很让我现在不理解的事情,在过去发生的如此必然。但是我现在不能接受了,我如果看到他们在路边小解我就会开始咂舌。我很严肃的计划生活和开支,于是我丢了激情,忘了朋友。
       我突然有痛恨其我的知识,他没有帮助我工作,却让我内心深处的那个神经到处游走冲撞,我知道我堕落了,我按照我父母的,长辈的,领导的意志开始成熟的时候,我就已经告别了一个真实的自己了。

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    过于平静而规律的生活真的很容易让人萎靡,搞不清自己每天活着是为了什么,每天工作是为了什么,---这也是我毕业后的生活状态,很想改变。
    18 Aug.

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